Rainbow after rainfall

overwhelmed by emotions

2012-01-23T03:10:00.001-08:00

morocco

2011-12-29T08:08:00.000-08:00

promote~

2011-12-08T10:31:00.000-08:00

woke up this morning to this notification on my fb..
http://apps.facebook.com/masflymethere?id=62vypqha6w
ape lg, click la to check out what it is about.vote for him.hehehe.tanx

reproductive health and care of the newborn

2011-11-22T17:13:00.000-08:00

pregnant moms, babies,gynae probs..
i m loving this rotation
but its so cold n it gets dark early (4pm) that i sleep longer hours these days
pemalas punya budak.
lol

halloween

2011-10-30T08:43:00.000-07:00

when i look at u

2011-10-29T15:47:00.000-07:00

when u r asleep,

i feel so calm
so peaceful

i can spend hours doing nothing
just staring at ur sweet face sleeping

moment like this
brings me back to reality

reminds me of my decision
the reason to choose u as the one and only
i just followed my instinct

ur serene face

brings tears to me

as i m grateful

to have u all this while

in my ups n downs
ur presence

though we r oceans apart

knowing u r in my heart

i m strong to face the life

sayang

i really appreciate you

from the moment u said hello

i've been avoiding

not wanting to fall for u

but yet fate keeps us together

after the long winding journey

i still chose u

no matter who came between us

it is still u that im longing for

im looking forward to spend our precious time together

never thought i will endure another long distance relationship again
n it never cross my mind that i will be able to love again

u came out of no where
but u stay

i love u syg

thank u for everything

A.D.A

2011-10-17T14:08:00.000-07:00

i miss u,mr tunang

friends

2011-10-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

taste of my own medicine

2011-10-09T15:38:00.000-07:00

currently doing GP rotation in rural area, Chippenham, another district from my current clinical placement,Bath.
penatnye la travel on public transport (train, buses) everyday sejam setengah.pegi balik 3jam.kuar awal pagi before kul 7,blik da gelap gelita kul7-8 mlm.nice.
cepatla abes 3minggu lg.

flowers

2011-10-01T11:28:00.001-07:00

lawa x? my new acquired photography skill.hehehe. nk blaja lg!! hehe

colourful faces

2011-09-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

collage!

2011-09-17T06:02:00.000-07:00

editing~

2011-09-15T16:08:00.000-07:00

wait for the weekend.i'll see if i can edit photos.

kecewa

2011-08-28T06:34:00.000-07:00

kdg2
kite xkn dpt ape yg kite hajatkn
contohnya
saya betol2 mengharap bakal fiancee dpt dtg buka puase dgn saya dan family arini
siap tdo awal mlm td xnk dia letih ngantok drive
tup2
pg td dia col ckp, sori, xdpt dtg
hancur harapan
sedih
selamat hari raya lah semua

remember her?

2011-08-24T10:51:00.001-07:00

yes, that's her
the trend setter
look how modest she was during her wedding
i hope we all can learn something from her
it doesnt require a lot to be happy on your important day

renungan

2011-08-24T05:37:00.000-07:00

“Rahsiakan pertunangan dan iklankan (maklumkan) tentang perkahwinan”
(Hadith riwayat Ahmad dari Abdullah bin Zubair Radhiyallahu ‘anhu, dan disahihkan oleh al-Albani di dalam Irwa’ al-Ghalil)

astaghfirullah al azim

saya jahil

xpernah tau hal ni

sampai sebentar tadi terbaca artikel di saifulislam.com

astaghfirullah

ok, mulai dari skrg, saya akan cuba ikot hadith tersebut

cukuplah dgn ape yg da diberitakn selama ini

reflection

2011-08-23T21:08:00.000-07:00

i must change
less anger
and negative thought
seriously
its slowly eating me from inside
n my loved ones are affected too
i dont want to hurt them anymore
huhu
please change before everything is too late
dear bf,
i really appreciate your reminder
and how patient u r for putting up with me and all the drama
not many people can touch my heart as u do
i hope i can be a better person
for u,i will

kuih raya

2011-08-22T03:49:00.000-07:00

i shall upload the pics of kueh raya that i made so far...
quite an achievement, i would say..
this is my first time for almond london and honey cornflakes
i did everything from scratch
all this while, i only have kuih tunjuk for raya
u know, those kind of biscuits n kuih that u tunjuk, pick up and pay at the counter.
yes, thats it.
or in other word,i bought all the kuih raya for the past few years
now that im becoming someone's else fiance, i think its time to learn how to bake raya cookies.
its a good knowledge
thanks to syikin, my friend who are willing to teach me how to bake almond cookies
we spent half a day at her place and managed to bake around 180 pieces of them
yey!! another accomplishment
insyaAllah mak mertua sayang, tunang pun bertmbah2 la sayang..lol
kelmarin n smlm tlong akak buat mini popia n kuih gunting

pdahal i prefer to have something to do out of this boredom
xkn puase nk tido je sepnjg ari kn
hehehe
jap eh,
nk trun amek pic kuih2 raya jap
japg nk upload trus
i bukn jnis org yg tgh buat kuih pun dok amek pic guna kamera
every single step nk kna snap pic
jenuhla
lgpun, i love my dslr, mana bole bwk msuk tempat2 comot
hahahah
joking
pdahal malas
oh btw, td rase sporty lak buat kueh pkai jersey futbal malaysian team tu.
ape ntah nama
hairmau malaya? harimau muda?
konfius da ak
ape2pn, time pegi bazar td, asyik bertembung n adik2 boys pkai jersey sama,
sengih2
hahahh
akak taula i dont look athletic at all
lemak berlebihan sana sni
tp xpe..tunggu lpas raya,akak nk work out smula..

nk trun da.bye2

random rant

2011-08-21T10:47:00.000-07:00

i should be sleeping by now.
DA is on duty.
i just cant seems to close my eyes.
wanted to talk to him till we both fall asleep like everyday.
this feeling worries me
as there will be time difference once i go back in 2weeks time.
remember how to live your life without DA ,please
i have to be strong
i just have to focus on my studies
everything else can wait
meanwhile,
i succesfully made 2 big jars of honey cornflakes for raya
DA requested to try some
cos he never get the chance to try my cooking, poor DA, one day u will
and helped big sis made mini popia isi serunding and kerepek gunting
i prefer honey conrflakes though
cos the other 2 kuih is so troublesome
left me feeling angry and tired
and tomorrow, almond london plan with syikin
we will see how it goes
i love doing things that are simple
yet fruitful

these past few days, adik asyik terasa with me
its all because i started to tegur2 dia psl kerja rumah
homework and household chores. both
thing is, she is not even fasting, yet she can laze around not doing anything
once asked y xtlong, she replied,xckp, mana org nk tau kena buat
i jus dont get it
anak bongsu mmg cmtu ke
and today she raised her voice to mom when mom asked her twice about something
i pun panas ati la, dahla panas bru blik pasar minggu peloh2 tgahari
i ckp elok2, xpyhla emo cmtu kt mak. then dia jwb, mak yg mrh dlu. i jwb lg,kalo jwb awal2 td kn, xdela kna mrh n mak kn. org tnye asal berat sgt mulut tu nk jwb.
dats all, and she locked herself up in the room for hours.
dgn hempas pintu nye.
omg, tercabar keimanan aku

thing is, benda simple mcm ni xptot buat gduh
tp dia ni pantang org tgur
i pulak lately asyik penat
xlarat kena jd driver sana sni
balik2 umah tgok bersepah, pening la n perangai dia lg

i dont know la when is she gonna grow up
i pray that one day she will understand all these

my bad jugak sbb xcover2 lgsg tgur dia
i just sound her directly
sory la adik
yah penat n stres nk kna blik uk da
tgok the way she behave around the house, sian kt parent aaa
satu kerja xleh tlong
baju2 dia pn mak yg basuh, sidai, angkat, lipat,iron

grow up please
org len tngktn 1 sume da msuk asrama

dats y i cant stand looking at u online men game berjam2 smbil kurang ajar n orglen

adeh

sori la ye yah da xlrat nk sabar
xreti nk guna cara lembut da

yg lg sorng nk spm
lg pening kepala pk
n result exam yg merisaukn

aiyo

adik2 sendri ni, kdg2 lg susa kite nk ajar dari ajar anak orglen
myb siblings rivalry
pepun, i just want you all to be successful in ur academic, get scholarship, further studies, get good jobs, live better life.

enough of this rambling
my eyes are so tiny now that i cnt even read the things i m typing

with raya just around the corner,
n kenduri few days after dat
and leaving home a day after that...
tension is slowly creeping out and building up in myself
i have to maintain my composure
i dont wanna hurt anyone
especially not people i love the most

i dont mind about my attire pelamin or my make up for that day,
but i do care if anyone creates drama melayu lak nnt
especially when the extended family is expected to join along
im not that close with them
but from experiences so far,
i just pray that noone will bring me down by any negative comment or badmouthing
or foul-language among them

byk complain, mmg cari pasal
itu ini serba xkena
kritik bukn membina, sume berbaur hasad dengki and hasutan
berpuak2

i dont care if u have been living like that ur entire life, as long as u wont tarnish the event with that kind of attitude

stay away

i mean it

i dont wanna feel bad on that day
nnt DA jugak yg kena pjuk

ok.

lega sket da let go benda2 runsingkan ati ni

it seems like this blog is more like a diary of my sad life

benda2 yg i cant share with others personally, i managed to let it go writing in here
not trying to membuka aib orglain or ape2 seangkatan dgnnya.
jus dat i need a medium to channel my negative thought
don't read this blog if u expect to read all the happy things happening around the world, i mean it

colourful

2011-08-19T04:55:00.000-07:00

love for camera

2011-08-18T10:10:00.000-07:00

ni raw punyer..

ni edited...

bristolians

2011-08-17T05:53:00.000-07:00

testing2
masih terlalu mentah
xpe, good start

photography

2011-08-08T07:25:00.000-07:00

i want to learn how to capture great photos using canon dslr......
please, someone please teach me how to....
or should i learn from google?

aiseh...
i want to play with my new toy.
but i don;t have the right skill

these are my basic skill so far....
or random snapshots..
alamak, failed to upload..
shitty broadband connection.
xpela.later i show u

the shortcomings

2011-08-07T05:16:00.000-07:00

sister in law texted me last night about the arrangement for my E day.
she seems worried cause abg just received new projects in melaka, that they might not be able to attend my kenduri.
as it will be held on saturday, weekend, i thought all my siblings can be there,if not for me, for the family as the kenduri tahlil and doa selamat is meant for everyone. it is a gratitude for the achievements of the family. to celebrate the new members to the family (sister in law + my fiancee). and to bid goodluck to my other brother on starting his career life as dental surgeon in military camp.to congratulate my sister on her salary raise.and also to pray for my younger sister on her upcoming spm which will be few weeks after raya.and for the little sister, kesyukuran for her upsr last year.
it has been 3years now since we last had a kenduri in this house.
i don't know how mom will react if she knows that not all her children can come back for the kenduri.
i myself, is quite anxious knowing that there will be lots of guest to entertain, and at the same time, having to put on the make up by myself and be ready for my event later in the afternoon.
anyways, i don't plan to invite too many friends, only those who im very close to, who will not mind helping themselves among the other guests.
none of my bristol babes will come as they will be leaving back to bristol on the same day. what a bummer....
as for me, my flight will be on the very next day. evening. and much to my dismay, the transit will take around 12 hours from midnite to the next morning, i will be alone in dubai, maybe should check in the emirates lounge...
i will touch down in heathrow by 2pm monday, missing my first lecture in 4th year..
hopefully i can stay strong
be motivated to start my new term
and look forward to finish up with this degree

oh, on another note, the boyfie went to titiwangsa today to buy me my 4th year medical books from syarikat kamal.
pity him as he was wandering for almost 2hours around that area, trying to find the shop and only to found out that it was closed.
its ok, yang. i don't mind the books. as long as i have u, everything can wait.

oh, my third year results came out recently.
as expected, clinical years are harder, eventhough i put much more effort this year compare to previous years, my results are unsatisfying. jatuh teruk gak aaa compare to excellent pass last year.
bile cek2 smula, bru perasan kena penalty 10% sbb anta asigment lmbt 3minit upload ke uni nye website. pdahal da anta surat explain sebab and what so ever. still kena. nyesal jugak... i learnt my lesson. i will from now on, submit my assigment a day before the dateline.

tujela. for this upcoming term, paeds, obs n gynae, have been said to be tougher....
i hope i can concentrate on my studies
n at the same time, enjoying my remaining days in bristol
not so long til i finish up
my final exam will be in december nextyear.
and i will be doing my elective in malaysia insyaAllah
then bole berkepit la sana sni before going back to bristol for my graduation in july 2013..
at the same time, we can go honeymoon (kalo da kawen la)

hehe
so that my rough plan for now

insyaAllah
if God permits

awkward

2011-08-06T10:07:00.000-07:00

as long as people respect each other, the world will be a better place to live on. we work hard to promote peace throughout campaigns, 1malaysia etc...
sometimes we overlook things, we take people for granted..those closest to us, our family.

i m stubborn. there are times when i go against my family's words. but i try hard not too hurt them directly.
after all, im only at home for less than 2month per year.

but what strikes me the most is the fact that some people, they tend to raise their voice, shouting and picking up on other people..
come on, we are not children anymore. why do we need all that?
and almost every other day, i will be disappointed with some of the attitude shown around here.
not just the direct arguments, but also the part when they badmouthing people (including their own flesh n blood)...
i don't know why, or where did we go wrong, but i don't think we were this bad before.
well, much to my dismay, even a slightest issue will cause chaotic arguments. ended up with awkward silence around the house.

i know im not suppose to get involve so much so to take side when it occurs, but i just can't help myself from feeling sad.
i have been away for quite some time now, and i thought everything is fine at home
but now when i m around, i witness it with my own eyes n ears. i m not happy at all.
i know human make mistakes, and noone is perfect,
but hey, could you please consider your voice tone and words, cause you know, words really hurt.

eventhough it is not directed to me, but i don't like seeing anyone being treated like that.
what kind of example you are trying to show to the family?
as adult, i don't think that's the best way to handle issues.
come on, im sure there are better ways. try to talk through things. listen. and give chance for everyone to voice out their opinion.
n i know its easier said than done.
i know im in no position to judge this matter, cause i don't know whats going on with these people since i left.
but hey, if you love someone, would you curse them in front of their face, and say bad things directly to them?
ignoring them and pretend like you don't care?

it really hurt me when people i love the most are fighting each other
i would understand it if it's something that happen from time to time...
but if it's almost everyday, over very silly little things.
sape xterasa wei...

i thought people get wiser as they grow older,
but i wonder what happen to certain someone

even if you are religious and commited in your ibadah, i don't think you have the right to treat others like that
tahap kurang ajar
menjatuhkan maruah orglain
even budak2 tgok pn rase xslesa
ayat kasar
mulut mcm xde brek
men lepasje ape nk ckp
mocking n making fun

kdg2 terpk,apela salah silap smpai kena layan cmtu
nk kate xbahagia, anak da ramai.
nk dpt cucu da kot
ape la yg nk digaduhkan lg

like this evening, i went down to the living room to read the newspaper, and the serenity only lasted for less than 5minutes before arguments cropped up.i had to pretend not to listen
it was embarassing

hurm, don't be suprise if the kids are keeping themselves in their room most of time
i find solace to be on my bed, surrounded by my gadgets, macbook, dslr, blackberry n other handphones,...
cause they don't shout
neither do they mistreat others
those silly arguments really put me off, i don't even feel like watching tv anymore
i rather lock myself in my room, like teenagers do, put on my earphones, and talk to daniel for hours

mengadu nasib
mengenang

and he will comfort me with his wise words:
its ok, .... dorang tau handle...sekejap je tu...nnt okla...u jgn risau ye...

and later, i will be worrying about myself in the future
would i be that bad?
and then i will ask him to keep reminding me not to be as such...
no matter what happen, i will try my best not to follow the bad example
im so scared that it will influence me indirectly
that i will hurt others

or maybe its just me
being over-sensitive

ntahla
i have seen myself jd cmtu dlu, temporarily
when things between me n you-know-who didnt work out
and i got really upset that i used harsh words to him
i was swearing and calling him names

but that's not my true self
thats pure anger and frustration for being cheated on
i admitted my mistake for not being able to control myself

last night i dreamt of similar situation
happened to the elders
i woke up feeling miserable
ended up in bed till noon
hopefully its just a dream

now that im moving forward to the next big step in my life
i honestly hope that i will be a better person as day goes by
semoga lebih sabar and tabah
semoga dpt kntrol emosi
kalo marah pn, diam dlu, merajuk kejap then ckp elok2..bincang

semoga panas baran ilang dlm diri ni.....
im training myself...

Thursday Thought

2011-08-03T22:33:00.000-07:00

it has been 4day since Ramadhan started. I managed to fast only for a day and a half ( if u get what i mean).
And now, I am being all lazy. No more morning jog and evening cycling.
So much so of preserving energy cos its ramadhan, noone cares to work out.
but that doesn't give me an excuse to oversleep till 11am and taking a nap for 2 hours everyday.
i clearly understand that if i want to look good on my day, i should lose some weight.
thing is, my weight keep on increasing. I am now 10 kg more than when i flew to bristol 3years ago.
and i think i have central obesity. my close friends think so too..eventhough my hands and legs are alright, but most of the fat are distributed around my tummy, thus, giving me this boroi-looking-perot. or as adik simply named it: perot menggelebeh.
my love handle are way beyond my pants size. leaving lines and scratches after a long wear of jeans.
that's why i resorted to wear skirt these days.
not trying to look sweet, neither am i following the current fashion trend.. its simply because, i cant fit in most of my jeans!!
this is depressing.
well, atleast i do know that at least one person is happy that im all fat.
Mak. mmg dia seronok tgok anak2 dia gemok berisi sbb she thinks, i m well-nourished, makan ckup.
let me share the pain of having small frame body, with unflattering body figure.
i was trying the clothes i wanted to wear for my E day, they looked really stunning on the mannequin.
as it was my cousin's boutique, i waited no more and started to try on the off-pink sequinned long kebaya with the mermaid-style skirt.
everything was good, fits me perfectly, until i started to button up.
oh no.... i have to hold my breathe in order to secure the buttons.
giler kecewa..... and then when i finally managed to squeeze myself, i asked my sister to snap a pic of me..
tadaaaa!!!! i looked like nangka dibalut sarung yg ketat,
ppffftttt...there goes my wish to look stunning.
i have to accept the fact and i ended up choosing the simplest attire, long dress with no front button what so ever, with a layer of organza kurung moden.
which really put me off. as i will be looking like gadis melayu terakhir.
light silver or myb white..
da mcm bju menikah pn ade.
whatever....sape suruh ko gemok malas kuruskn badan.

all these non-stop whining and complaining...

My boyfie always smile when i tell him those thing
and he replied, i tau u bole kurus, kena rajin senam je. tgokla jari u kurus kering. u bolela, sayang.
and another time he replied, xpela, skrg ni gemuk, nnt before kawen i anta u pegi weightloss treatment ok? dah2 jgn stres out.

those words managed to soothe out my worries and bring some self confidence in me temporarily.

but yeah, i want to look the best for him.....
one day...
soon...
i promise...

da tempah!!

2011-08-02T00:12:00.000-07:00

its gonna be light purple, soft pink n white.
xsabarnye nk tgok hasil.
smoga xpoyo.
n just sweet n simple.

good news

2011-07-31T15:14:00.002-07:00

what a pleasant suprise!
he asked me to browse dslr in nikon centre while he was heading to the loo.
20minutes later, he came back with a Canon paperbag.
"nah, sayang, for u. sorry to keep u waiting."

i melted straight away.
selamat tgh org ramai public, kalo x, mmg berlaku adegan n aksi2 romantik la.

auwwww, ur so sweet!!! i have been wanting to buy myself a dslr since forever.
n u, dgn muke cool, trus bg me the whole set. mcm mimpi je.

i love u,daniel.
im so looking forward to spend the rest of my life with u.
u made the waiting so worthwhile.

a lot of thing happened while preparing for our engagement day,
dugaan
biasala,
darah manis,
mmg lumrah kehidupan
tapi hepi sgt

insyaallah, we will get through this
another month to go,
then the long-awaited moment
just a day before my departure back to bristol

and we will see how it goes from there
"nikah gantung"
have u heard this term before?
aah, dats what my parent suggested
myb nikah nextyear
reception the year after
insyaAllah
i myself cant believe its all happening soon
mcm wow, dulu ak pk lps abes blaja bru nk uruskn soal2 ni
tp balik summer cuti 3/4 year da tie the knot

i am 23, and i never thought i will settle down this early
tapi kalo jodoh xkemana
couple2 lama2 bertahun2 pn kalo xde jdoh, clash jugak
ni bru kenal setahun
jumpe kali ke 2, trus merisik dpn family

i guess, ade hikmahnye sume berlaku
bak kata nora elena,
tuhan turunkan ujan sbb nk bg pelangi lepas tu

ok, done with the rambling.
arini start puase
i shall belaja how to use my new toy
nnt da tau how to produce pic lawa2,
bole layan photography plak.

jgn syok sgt smpai lupe uruskn preparation majlis pulak
byk benda nk kna buat ni
checklist to do includes:
cari pelamin
beli cadar katil
beli high heels
sort out brg2 hantaran
hias rumah
goodie bags n souvenir da almost setel, tinggal sweets n muffin je xde lg

ingatkan tema ungu/silver
tapi ntahla, xkesah kot
hehe
mcm okje ape2 pn
ade daniel, kaler pelangi pun i xkesah
he made me smile smpai ke telinga
nk mrh pn xjd
tgh stres pn bole ketawa

semoga semua ni kekal selamanya
amin~

childhood friends

2011-07-28T22:55:00.000-07:00

ain, my bff since primary school, jb.
it has been 13 years since i left jb, but the memories linger in my head like it was just yesterday.
i am blessed to have friends whom i knew since 7years old, and we are still in contact until now.
people might mistakenly thought we are siblings. or even twins.
thank you ain for the great trip down the memory lane.. jb n singapore 2011~

essc submission

2011-07-26T10:55:00.000-07:00

i have less than 4hours to submit my external student selected component.
aiseh, rase xsemangat pulak.
benda ni byk kenangan.
tajuk pun idea orglen.
=( been working on this project for almost 4months now.
i thought we will be able to finish it up together.turned out, masing2 bwk haluan sendri.
its ok. im training myself to be independent.
look forward to update more on this blog once im done with this assigment.
lots of things happened recently.
been to places.
full of memories.
johor
singapore
i will be back soon
to focus on The Day...

counting days~

2011-07-20T06:22:00.001-07:00

my love~
after a year...

a fresh start

2010-08-16T08:00:00.001-07:00

i wish to start sharing on this blog again, soon..hopefully.