awkward

as long as people respect each other, the world will be a better place to live on. we work hard to promote peace throughout campaigns, 1malaysia etc...
sometimes we overlook things, we take people for granted..those closest to us, our family.

i m stubborn. there are times when i go against my family's words. but i try hard not too hurt them directly.
after all, im only at home for less than 2month per year.

but what strikes me the most is the fact that some people, they tend to raise their voice, shouting and picking up on other people..
come on, we are not children anymore. why do we need all that?
and almost every other day, i will be disappointed with some of the attitude shown around here.
not just the direct arguments, but also the part when they badmouthing people (including their own flesh n blood)...
i don't know why, or where did we go wrong, but i don't think we were this bad before.
well, much to my dismay, even a slightest issue will cause chaotic arguments. ended up with awkward silence around the house.

i know im not suppose to get involve so much so to take side when it occurs, but i just can't help myself from feeling sad.
i have been away for quite some time now, and i thought everything is fine at home
but now when i m around, i witness it with my own eyes n ears. i m not happy at all.
i know human make mistakes, and noone is perfect,
but hey, could you please consider your voice tone and words, cause you know, words really hurt.

eventhough it is not directed to me, but i don't like seeing anyone being treated like that.
what kind of example you are trying to show to the family?
as adult, i don't think that's the best way to handle issues.
come on, im sure there are better ways. try to talk through things. listen. and give chance for everyone to voice out their opinion.
n i know its easier said than done.
i know im in no position to judge this matter, cause i don't know whats going on with these people since i left.
but hey, if you love someone, would you curse them in front of their face, and say bad things directly to them?
ignoring them and pretend like you don't care?

it really hurt me when people i love the most are fighting each other
i would understand it if it's something that happen from time to time...
but if it's almost everyday, over very silly little things.
sape xterasa wei...

i thought people get wiser as they grow older,
but i wonder what happen to certain someone

even if you are religious and commited in your ibadah, i don't think you have the right to treat others like that
tahap kurang ajar
menjatuhkan maruah orglain
even budak2 tgok pn rase xslesa
ayat kasar
mulut mcm xde brek
men lepasje ape nk ckp
mocking n making fun

kdg2 terpk,apela salah silap smpai kena layan cmtu
nk kate xbahagia, anak da ramai.
nk dpt cucu da kot
ape la yg nk digaduhkan lg

like this evening, i went down to the living room to read the newspaper, and the serenity only lasted for less than 5minutes before arguments cropped up.i had to pretend not to listen
it was embarassing

hurm, don't be suprise if the kids are keeping themselves in their room most of time
i find solace to be on my bed, surrounded by my gadgets, macbook, dslr, blackberry n other handphones,...
cause they don't shout
neither do they mistreat others
those silly arguments really put me off, i don't even feel like watching tv anymore
i rather lock myself in my room, like teenagers do, put on my earphones, and talk to daniel for hours




mengadu nasib
mengenang

and he will comfort me with his wise words:
its ok, .... dorang tau handle...sekejap je tu...nnt okla...u jgn risau ye...

and later, i will be worrying about myself in the future
would i be that bad?
and then i will ask him to keep reminding me not to be as such...
no matter what happen, i will try my best not to follow the bad example
im so scared that it will influence me indirectly
that i will hurt others

or maybe its just me
being over-sensitive

ntahla
i have seen myself jd cmtu dlu, temporarily
when things between me n you-know-who didnt work out
and i got really upset that i used harsh words to him
i was swearing and calling him names

but that's not my true self
thats pure anger and frustration for being cheated on
i admitted my mistake for not being able to control myself

last night i dreamt of similar situation
happened to the elders
i woke up feeling miserable
ended up in bed till noon
hopefully its just a dream

now that im moving forward to the next big step in my life
i honestly hope that i will be a better person as day goes by
semoga lebih sabar and tabah
semoga dpt kntrol emosi
kalo marah pn, diam dlu, merajuk kejap then ckp elok2..bincang

semoga panas baran ilang dlm diri ni.....
im training myself...